‘Not doing it to make a assertion’: Here’s why this stay-at-home dad doesn’t want to be praised for what he does, Lifestyle News & More Trending News

 

She can, He can is an unique AsiaOne collection the place we showcase Singaporean males who’re working in female-dominated jobs and their empowering private journey in overcoming stereotypes.


Amos Wu used to spend his waking hours caring for the well-being and hygiene of some 15 cats every day all whereas juggling operations, gross sales and customer support at a cat cafe.

But now, the previous cat cafe supervisor’s day revolves round his one-year-old son.

“My routine is set by my son,” stated the 34-year-old who has been a stay-at-home dad since November 2021. 

On a typical day, Amos will get up when his son does – often round 6am or 7am – to give him a tub and put together breakfast. He then spends the remainder of the day caring for his son with any remaining pockets of time left for himself. 

Amos, who additionally runs an e-commerce retailer promoting cat provides and does freelance manufacturing work, had deliberate on being a stay-at-home dad since 5 years in the past.

When requested about his determination to change careers, Amos advised AsiaOne that this was a determination that was years within the making as he believed it was extra “financially sustainable”.

Given the rising price of dwelling through the years, he felt that being self-employed will provide him higher probability of gaining monetary freedom. When his final job as a cat lodge supervisor was affected due to the pandemic in 2020, he took the plunge to focus fully on his enterprise.

Besides the monetary side, staying at dwelling and dealing for himself additionally permits him to spend extra time together with his youngster.

“The most important part of this routine is that I can be at home with my child and watch him grow up, instead of having someone watch him grow up,” stated Amos, including that a youngster might lose the bond with their guardian within the latter case.

“If you missed this [time with your children and family], it would be gone forever.”

Lessons learnt from caring for felines

Besides counting on his paternal instincts, Amos’ previous experiences working with cats additionally bode properly for his position as a stay-at-home dad.

Some key abilities he picked up embody vital pondering and multi-tasking – each of which come in useful when caring for his youngster.

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He recalled an incident when his son skilled an eczema assault that brought about his neck to swell and grow to be pink.

While any typical guardian would be operating round in a frenzy, Amos stated his previous expertise had taught him the significance of staying calm. The episode was ultimately resolved after having consulted three medical doctors inside a day.

Amos added that he is accountable for making these impromptu selections more often than not since his spouse, who’s a full-time nurse at Ng Teng Fong General Hospital, is uncontactable when she is on shift.

“We always hear about how women are drained [from caring for children] but a guy can never understand how tough it is to be a mother,” stated Amos.

“But being a full-time stay-at-home dad, I can relate to how tired a mum is and that endurance [they have] is really not easy.”

Resetting conventional gender roles

Contrary to expectations, Amos stated his household and buddies have been supportive of his determination to grow to be a stay-at-home dad. In truth, it did not come as a shock – given how he all the time shared about how a lot he loves and desires kids.

His in-laws, who reside in Sarawak, Malaysia, are equally supportive of him at this time, although he talked about that his mother-in-law was nervous and sceptical when he first shared about wanting to be his personal boss. 

“But I felt that it’s normal because most people will think that being a boss is not easy, especially when your wife is pregnant,” he stated. 

Despite the help he has from these round him, Amos admits that the standard mindset surrounding gender roles nonetheless persists, particularly when interacting with the older era and medical doctors.

“The elders still have the traditional mindset so they will prefer to speak to my wife about our child and sometimes I have to get information from her. Like what did your mum talk to you about, what should we do about this,” he stated.

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Similarly, Amos observed that medical doctors have a tendency to focus extra and talk immediately together with his spouse throughout medical checkups, even when he is the one responding to their questions.

“I feel that many people still have the mindset that mothers should be the ones taking care of the children and doing housework, while fathers should go out and earn money,” he continued, describing this as an unhealthy mentality.

Just like in every other profession, he believes that gender mustn’t be a problem when it comes to caregiving.

“You can’t let gender affect your expectation or mindset in a marriage, [how parental roles are split] has to be communicated and both parties should come to an agreement on how the family will operate,” he stated.

“All you have to really care about is whether your child is growing up well.”

The little issues that depend

As with each job, there are perks to being a stay-at-home dad and Amos’ most fulfilling moments are the little ones he shares together with his son.

He stated that the day-in-day-out routines are essentially the most fulfilling moments, fairly than milestones like his son’s first crawl or steps.

“It’s more of how you’re able to comfort your child, how they listen to you and how they run to you to seek comfort,” he added.

Another plus level was that his relationship together with his spouse has improved since they turned mother and father, as they’ve to talk extra and face surprising challenges collectively.

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But if there’s one factor Amos dreads about being a stay-at-home dad, it is receiving compliments.

While his spouse’s buddies and parents-in-law reward him for caring for his youngster “like a professional”, he believes that these actions don’t deserve reward as he is simply fulfilling his fundamental duty as a guardian.

“It shouldn’t be complimented or criticised because there’s no right or wrong. What works for us as a family, may not work for other families,” stated Amos.

“I understand their kind intentions but it gets a bit draining because I have to force myself to say thank you and show my appreciation.”

For now, the professionals positively outweigh the cons and Amos sees himself persevering with being a stay-at-home dad till his youngster reaches “the age of rebellion”.

He urges extra fathers to be part of him in experiencing the position of being a principal caregiver and to ignore the feedback of naysayers.

Although he believes it’s regular to really feel unsure and unusual in a female-dominated area, Amos is of the camp that males ought to eliminate the mindset that they’re “here to prove something”.

“For me, I’m here to fulfil my son’s and my family’s [needs], and take care of them. I’m not doing this to challenge people or make a statement,” he stated.

“We shouldn’t pollute our minds that we’re here to prove something.”

ALSO READ: ‘I’m the wingman of all males in Singapore’: Male florist shares his ups and downs after 8 years in business

yukiling@asiaone.com

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‘Not doing it to make a assertion’: Here’s why this stay-at-home dad doesn’t want to be praised for what he does, Lifestyle News

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